IF ONLY I WERE ENLIGHTENED
If only I were enlightened, I'd use this time of fear, doubt, and anxiety, to notice my instinctive and unexamined reactions to the pandemic stimulus.
I'd explore my automatic emotional responses that have come along. I'd check where in my body these emotions manifest themselves. I'd spend time examining those anxiety-producing repetitive thoughts that accompany these emotions.
I'd explore what I am afraid of, and more importantly, who I am when I am scared. That is if I were enlightened.
When nearly all the people are reacting, the reactionary force is enormous. How do I keep my composure when I'm inside this massive reaction?
If I were enlightened, I'd notice...
When it feels like a threat, it pushes me into survival.
When it feels like a threat, it pulls on me to be a hoarder.
When it feels like a threat, I contract and isolate.
When it feels like a threat, I draw near to my closest circle and stay away from others.
If only I were enlightened, I'd use this time to examine who I am in this time of uncertainty and distress. I'd see if there are other ways of being I could choose, other possibilities. Possibilities there are other ways of being, which are my choice, not the product of some mob fear and panic.
If only I were enlightened, I'd use the time for self-discovery and self-examination. I'd grasp that self-awareness allows me to be inside the current situation more skillfully, more competently, and more ably.
If only I were enlightened, I'd see myself more clearly, and then I'd be able to make conscious choices - choices to be more centered, more compassionate, more open to stop pretending I'm not frightened.
If only I were enlighted, I'd understand this is a true existential challenge - a challenge to make conscious choices in who I'll be with and for myself and others that would bring out the best in me, not the worst in me, if only I were enlightened.
