ELDERS AS TRIM TAB

THE PERFECT METAPHOR

The speaking of elders, when heard, not just listened to, then thoughtfully considered, delivers a condition of humanity and unity. A condition that can be extremely favorable in producing an aligned future. 

In this condition of unity and humanity, the speaking and listening of elders act precisely as a trim tab. Rightly applied, conversations, at any level - business, politics, or family – result in an allied future, tangible closure in the distance between parties, and an outcome not based on being right. 

The metaphor trim tab to explain elder as a verb is perfect. Consider the Queen Mary, the whole ship from stem to stern, and lastly the rudder. At the most distal part of its rudder resides a trim tab. The trim tab is itself a tiny little rudder at the edge of the massive steering rudder. Moving the little trim tab builds enough pressure to pull the rudder around.

Or consider an airplane. Each wing and tail has a trim tab used to "trim" or counteract the aerodynamic force on the control surface, stabilizing the aircraft in the axis of rotation associated with the primary control. 

Trim tabs are becoming more needed as we all get more and more immersed in technology. As stated in Aviation Safety Magazine - Trim Failures: January 27, 2020, “The more automated your airplane, the more likely you’ll experience a trim failure. Know the system well, fly the airplane and throw the correct switches.” An elder knows the right switches.

https://www.aviationsafetymagazine.com/features/trim-failures

Applying the trim tab metaphor to what an elder contributes makes it very clear. Elders stabilize interactions and relationships, by steadying the condition in which the conversations are occurring and applying pressure at the right time and place to move the conversation toward a mutually aligned future.

EVIDENCE FOR THE TRIM TAB CLAIM

Abstract

“Older adults typically report significantly higher satisfaction levels with their social relationships than younger adults. The present paper integrates current developmental research to explain why social relationships are generally more positive with age.”

We discuss actions by older adults that contribute to more positive social experiences. We also include social role changes that may provide advantages for older adults in navigating their relationships.

Next, we turn to interactional processes between older adults with their social partners. The reviewed literature indicated that: (a) older adults engage in strategies that optimize positive social experiences and minimize negative ones by avoiding conflicts, and (b) social partners often reciprocate by treating older adults more positively and with greater forgiveness than they do younger adults.”

Better With Age: Social Relationships Across Adulthood

Gloria Luong, Susan T. Charles, and Karen L. Fingerman

J Soc Pers Relat. Author manuscript; available in PMC 2012 Mar 1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3291125/

Insight

This highly referenced summary article illuminates why elders’ can have sweeping access to make a profound difference. The depth and quality of listening offered to elders is far more generous, open, and accepting than the listening provided by most others. 

Elders, therefore, have a genuine opening to trim-tab interactions and transactions due to the listening they are provided and create in others. 

THE LISTENING OF ELDERS

In highly effective communication, many authorities give as much weight to listening as speaking. Some give listening even stronger supremacy in communication effectiveness.

Elders bring a certain presence when engaged with others in critical or sensitive conversations. A presence that provides safety, sanctuary, compassion, and acceptance. A presence where elders are naturally granted a far less judgemental listening, a less resistant listening.

Elders do not listen to reply. Elders listen beyond the content, beyond the information, beyond data, underneath the words. They do not listen for the opening to give advice, consult, or coach.

Elders listen in a way that allows them to recognize where the words are coming from. Elders hear the source of the words, the tone, and the feelings generating and shaping the words.

On the other side, how elders are listened to, elders can ask more intimate, self-reflective, and self-revealing questions of others about what is being said and why it is being said. Once revealed, and not tucked away, the condition in which the conversations are occurring has many impediments removed.

An elder has the ability to trim-tab via their presence and listening. Their listening shapes the speaking. Their listening shapes how people relate and respond to each other. An elder provides a listening where the heat is lowered, humanity shows up, and common good occurs.